Thursday, March 18, 2010

The Elixir of Life

Soooo, it’s the time to fast…be the first to experience spiritual bliss with a navratra compliant product….something you can consume anytime, anywhere and with anyone.. A packet of “Sip it” Aqua Water! An amazing product, with no fat, no salt, no sugar, no fiber, and lots of nutrition (it's filling, yet gluten and trans-fat free, and will help you replace sweat!!). Based on the same stuff recently found on Mars and the Moon by SCIENTISTS using TECHNOLOGY.

Think of it! All you need to do is simply "add water" to this gourmet secret mixture of a thousand no spices and you'll get the bonus of two hydrogen atoms for every oxygen! It's AU NATURALE... so it must be happy, healthy, and good! It's scientifically proven that this special water is so so so so so good for you that you must have it, you must have it, you must have it. Yummy! Can't go three days without it. The taste is amazing, and the health benefits are so frickin' numerous and obvious we don't bother to write them up. It's the "anti-antioxidant!" It's ENERGIZING! It's Coconut Water without the Coconut which means you get MORE water! Wow.... so happy and healthy!

Instant Vegan "Di-hydrogen oxide..." And folks, it's organic (and free trade). You can drink it, you can pour it on your head, you can pour it on other parts of your body, hell, you can pour it on just about anything that needs pourage!

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: “Sip it” Instant Aqua Water might cause immediate hydration, periodic bladder flushing, a heightened sense of non-de-hydration, an intense wetness, profound watery-like feeling, and spots on some fabrics. Use with caution, do not operate heavy equipment while consuming, add alcohol liberally at your discretion, use a drip-free glass, don't use on Gremlins, cats might get pissed, and always, always, take with tongue-in-cheek (above the neck).

DIRECTIONS FOR USE: You must be able to breathe without moving your lips, live on Planet Earth, are primarily carbon-based, believe in food reviews without nutritional analysis of same, and waste hours reading things like this. You pay for postage and any residual psychiatric counseling that you may and will need. Scorpios with Venus ascendant do not consume alone.